Robert Downey Jr.

"I had a dream that Robert Downey Jr. was my boyfriend. It was AWWWWWESOME!"

Whisker

Said over chat with a girlfriend of mine:

Her: "I just found a whisker on my cheek."

Me: Bummer deal.

Her: "Every once in awhile I get a short-and-curly mixed in with my peach fuzz."
Her: "Damn you testosterone. Damn you!"

Sweaty

"...my sweat smells weird today."

24 Hours

"...remember when I texted you and told you I couldn't stop farting? Well, it's been over 24 hours and I still can't stop farting."

Ephedra

"Your Mom is high energy...she must be on ephedra or something..."

Cheese

"At four o'clock, I will cut the cheese, so stop asking me!"