Phone Tag

me: Phone tag and such... can be annoying. You know...Friend: I called you back!

 me: I know... then I called you back.

 Friend: Oh. Right.

 me: I figured you might be a tad annoyed when you called me and I didn't pick up.

  Sorry.

  I was showering before church... so I could lift my arms in praise to Jesus without offending my neighbor in Christ ;)

 Friend: Don't be a tard. I was not annoyed. I went to church too.

Liam Neeson

Part of a convo over chat:


Lady Friend: I dunno what the heck I've been eating, but every time I poo it's GIGANTIC.
"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"

Me: Ha ha... I'm laughing out loud...uncontrollable... can't stop laughing. I can totally hear Liam Neeson saying that!

Uterus

So yea... I'm still infertile and I feel good about it. 
Of course, I'm perpetually angry at my uterus for being such a jerk and deciding to be inverted (or whatever)...

Gangster