Pigtails

Text:
"Ugh.... Miss Piggytails gave a presentation this morning in class... so painful to watch without judging! I wish I could sneak a picture of her stupid outfit today."

Without judging? Too late.

Scabies

Text:
I just called a few minutes ago to see how your rashy ass is doing... still have scabies, or no?

Worse Day Ever

On the phone:

"Ohmygosh, Beth! I just walked past a mirror and realized I have TERRIBLE camel toe! Everyone here, in Ikea, can see my camel toe! I can't wear these pants every again."

Fast forward three hours...

Over email:

"Ugh my favorite pilot  just came in and saw me in my horrible outfit and did a double take… not good for the self esteem… wish he hadn’t seen my like this… I’m NOT hawt sauce today AT ALL.. I freaking have camel toe…. UGH WORSE DAY EVER."

Jeans

Who the heck would order jeans online?! Are you crazy?! You basically just set yourself up for failure. That's like ordering a bra online. You must try these things on before purchase, Beth, duhzers.

Wait, the pilot called YOU Rhonda?

Yep, he called ME Rhonda.